Thursday, September 20, 2012

Things Change When You Have A Baby...

So from my last post I'm sure you've realized that my son is my HEART and SOUL!!
I couldn't imagine my life without him.
Actually, I have no life outside of being his Momma.
That is what this post is about....
It's funny how much life changes after you have a baby.
The people you knew before just seem like strangers. The friends you had that don't have kids don't seem to fit into your "new life". Your social life diminishes. You find yourself talking about poop and puke more than movies and gossip LOL. You don't even remember the last time you got dressed up or wore make up and did your hair!!
My life has changed a lot since I found out I was going to be a mother. I started thinking of my child before myself and others. I told myself that I would be the greatest Momma I knew how to be for my child. I want him to know what unconditional love feels like. And never doubt for a second that he is not everything I ever wanted!!
Because I chose to marry and start a family at a young age, I pretty much gave up my social life, not because I had to but because I wanted to. I enjoyed staying home with my husband and our dogs more than going to bars and drinking. I lost a lot of friends because I became "boring". Their loss. I ruined my relationship with my BEST FRIENDS over what seems now to be something so ridiculous, I wish I could change it. My loss.
After having a miscarriage on my wedding day, I ached to have another baby to replace the one I lost. We got one, a perfect little boy.
Since becoming a mom I have never felt so far away from my friends and family.
I have purposely let some people fall away because they were never around before my son was born so I don't believe they deserve to be around now. It kind of hurts, but it saves from questions later. I miss out on so much and the only reason I can think that I'm not being involved is because I have chosen to live my life for my son and I think some people have been turned off by that. Is that wrong? I feel like I'm doing the best for my baby by being protective of the enviornment I put him in but at the same time on the other end I feel like I'm being punished because I am not included in things anymore. I have become sick of making efforts for people who do not return the effort. I'm not sure who notices if I do or don't make an effort, but I notice, and it bothers me to purposely give up on someone because they so obviously don't care about you. I just wish my son had someone to always count on, besides my in-laws and my mom and step dad, there is no one else whom he regularly sees. I want more than that for him. I want him to have a "favorite person". I want to have a person I regularly see. It just seems to be going to opposite direction. Who knows...maybe it's just me. Just something that's been bothering me lately and I needed to get it off my chest.
I have just noticed how different things are after having a child and I'm wondering if other mom's went through this? Did you start feeling like it's your fault? Was it your fault? What do I do next? How do you maintain a social life and be a good parent?
I do have to admit, regardless of what I may be feeling right now, I live a fantastic life. I have a wonderful husband, a beautiful son, a cozy home, and people who love me. This was not a "whoa is me" rant, I just have been feeling a little far away lately. Thank you Lord for the life you have blessed me with.
I need to go to bed now before Mason wakes up and keeps me up all night again!!!

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