Things Change When You Have A Baby...

So from my last post I'm sure you've realized that my son is my HEART and SOUL!!

I couldn't imagine my life without him.

Actually, I have no life outside of being his Momma.

That is what this post is about....

 

 

It's funny how much life changes after you have a baby.

The people you knew before just seem like strangers. The friends you had that don't have kids don't seem to fit into your "new life". Your social life diminishes. You find yourself talking about poop and puke more than movies and gossip LOL. You don't even remember the last time you got dressed up or wore make up and did your hair!!

 

My life has changed a lot since I found out I was going to be a mother. I started thinking of my child before myself and others. I told myself that I would be the greatest Momma I knew how to be for my child. I want him to know what unconditional love feels like. And never doubt for a second that he is not everything I ever wanted!!

 

Because I chose to marry and start a family at a young age, I pretty much gave up my social life, not because I had to but because I wanted to. I enjoyed staying home with my husband and our dogs more than going to bars and drinking. I lost a lot of friends because I became "boring". Their loss. I ruined my relationship with my BEST FRIENDS over what seems now to be something so ridiculous, I wish I could change it. My loss.

After having a miscarriage on my wedding day, I ached to have another baby to replace the one I lost. We got one, a perfect little boy.

 

Since becoming a mom I have never felt so far away from my friends and family.

I have purposely let some people fall away because they were never around before my son was born so I don't believe they deserve to be around now. It kind of hurts, but it saves from questions later. I miss out on so much and the only reason I can think that I'm not being involved is because I have chosen to live my life for my son and I think some people have been turned off by that. Is that wrong? I feel like I'm doing the best for my baby by being protective of the enviornment I put him in but at the same time on the other end I feel like I'm being punished because I am not included in things anymore. I have become sick of making efforts for people who do not return the effort. I'm not sure who notices if I do or don't make an effort, but I notice, and it bothers me to purposely give up on someone because they so obviously don't care about you. I just wish my son had someone to always count on, besides my in-laws and my mom and step dad, there is no one else whom he regularly sees. I want more than that for him. I want him to have a "favorite person". I want to have a person I regularly see. It just seems to be going to opposite direction. Who knows...maybe it's just me. Just something that's been bothering me lately and I needed to get it off my chest.

 

I have just noticed how different things are after having a child and I'm wondering if other mom's went through this? Did you start feeling like it's your fault? Was it your fault? What do I do next? How do you maintain a social life and be a good parent?

 

 

I do have to admit, regardless of what I may be feeling right now, I live a fantastic life. I have a wonderful husband, a beautiful son, a cozy home, and people who love me. This was not a "whoa is me" rant, I just have been feeling a little far away lately. Thank you Lord for the life you have blessed me with.

I need to go to bed now before Mason wakes up and keeps me up all night again!!!

xoxoxo

Kendra

Baby Baby Baby!

Well, it's been a LONG time since I have been on here!!! As many of you know, we had a beautiful baby boy! Mason Elroy Joseph Cotter was born 3 1/2 weeks early, on March 19 2012 weighing in at 6 lbs. 13 oz and 18 in long!

 

I did not have an easy pregnancy and my doctor recommended scheduling a c-section so Mason could be delivered safetly and have a better chance outside of my belly, those were not words I wanted to hear, so we scheduled the surgery for Thursday, March 22, which made me 36 weeks along. On the morning of Monday, March 19th, I started having contractions (I didn't know that's what was going on at the time! ha) so I called my doctor and they told me to come in and be checked and after an exam she told me "you're 5 cm dilated! if you're planning on getting an epidural I recommend you head to the hospital right now, I'll call them and tell them you're coming and i'll meet you there." So many emotions were going through my head, I was nervous and excited and in pain and freaking out because Jimmy was in Merced!! I was not supposed to be in labor!! I am not supposed to be delivering my baby this early!! We are not ready! I forgot my hospital bag! lol So my mother in law gave me a hug and put me in the car and drove me to the hospital. In shock I called Jimmy to tell him to come home as soon as he could, the baby was coming, I didn't want him to miss it. So we got to the hospital and the contractions reeeeaaalllyy started to kick in, what I want to know is why they ask so many questions when you're in that much pain?! lol what is the point of pre-registering when you have to go over everything all over again? I got into my room and my mother in law stepped out to call my father in law and tell him what was going on and go move the car to a no-tow parking spot and as she was coming back she ran into my mom who knew something had to be wrong when she hadn't heard from me after my appointment. I couldn't believe how fast everything was happening. I wanted Jimmy there so bad, he was on his way but so was this baby!! The doctor promised not to break my water until he got there. Around 1 o'clock (2 hours after check in) Jimmy walked through the door.

 

All my worries floated away, I felt so relieved and was ready to bring our son into the world. The doctor walked in within 10 minutes after Jimmy got there and broke my water (gross!) and that's when everything just started happening really fast. My doctor barely made it in time to deliver!! lol By 3:13 P.M., about 10 1/2 hours from when I had my first contraction, Mason was born.

 

Because he was born early and living in an unhealthy environment there was a crew from the NICU waiting nearby, which at the time I didn't realize that was what was going on, looking back now I am glad I didn't know because I would've panicked. They checked him out and gave him their stamp of approval!!!:) We had to monitor his breathing and as long as it improves before the next day then we will all be going home together. It was so unsettling to think we could possibly be leaving our boy behind. But after 2 days, we all went home!!! Our little family:)

 

So life has changed A LOT since this little guy has joined our family.

Like, A LOT A LOT.

 

He is the greatest little guy on the entire planet. No, seriously. I couldn't have asked for a better baby. Okay, some days I wish I could have a bit of peace & quiet, but for the most part he's a great baby. Sure, there are some things that we've had a hard time with, things that are out of our control, such as milk allergies and acid reflux. That's been SO much fun to deal with. Poor little guy. The acid reflux started in when he turned 6 weeks old and the milk protein allergy started when he was 2 months old, I was only able to breastfeed for 3 months before having to give up because it just wasn't working for us. But needless to say even though he doesn't get breastmilk (which is supposed to be best!) and even with all the puking this guy does......he's still GROWING!!!

 

1st month

 

2nd month

 

3rd month

 

4th month

 

5th month

 

So I obviously fast forwarded a bit, but it honestly feels like he has grown in the blink of an eye. Our little guy just turned 6 months old today, time sure has flown right by! He gets cuter every day!!!

• He has 4 tooth buds (but no teeth yet)
• His eyes have been a very dark blue until recently they seem to have a brownish tint to them (i hope he keeps his daddy's blue eyes!)
• He has almost tripled his weight
• He is now over 2 ft tall!
• Is suuuuper ticklish and has the most ADORABLE laugh
• He eats baby food and is now interested in what Mommy and Daddy are eating too
• He loves his doggies
• He has a security blanket and a favorite stuffed animal named Peso (a sea lion from the Fresno Zoo)
• He loves Mickey Mouse Clubhouse
• He hates being in the car seat
• LOVES to go for walks around the neighborhood
• He loves his Daddy but he is definitely a Momma's boy:)
• He may not know what he's saying but he says Momma and Da (and at the right times!)
• He knows what nom nom and baba means;) little porker! LOL
• From the beginning he has slept almost all the way through the night (granted, we're not lucky every night)
• He knows how to give kisses and sometimes will let you steal one;)
• He loves his jumper.......like REALLY loves it! He is a bouncing fool!!!!
• For the most part he can sit up on his own, sometimes he gets lazy and just falls over onto his side and rolls onto his belly
• speaking of rolling.... he rolls EVERYWHERE!!!!!
• he can crawl in reverse, in a circle, and from side to side.....and as of this week he has "semi" crawled forward! we give it another week or two and we'll be having to baby proof!!!

That is all I can think of right now. See, I told you he's great! ;)

 

 

There's a little bit to catch you up on my little family.....

I have another topic I'd like to talk about but that will be another entry. I wanted Mason to have his own entry.

 

I hope you enjoyed hearing his story and learning a little more about him and how he's grown

 

xoxoxo

 

 

First Comes LOVE, Then Comes MARRIAGE, Then Comes A BABY!!!

So It's been a while since I have been on here (obviously!) as many as you already know, WE'RE EXPECTING!!!

Two pink lines= BABY!!!:)

We are over the moon excited!! It has been a bumpy road, but we are right where we want to be!!

We found out on July 31st, even though we were too afraid to test because we were afraid I'd test too early and go through what we went through with our last pregnancy. But after talking to some friends we went home and tested and within a minute I saw TWO PINK LINES. We took another to be sure. Another positive!! Thank you God, you answered our prayers!!! Now the tricky part, making sure I do everthing I possibly can to make this baby feel welcome and want to say in my belly!! Made my first appointment, had to wait a few weeks, went in not sure what to expect because I was around 6 weeks along but I was so anxious to see my baby!! Went to the doctor, who was veryyyy surprised the Clomid worked on the first try, scheduled an ultrasound for the next day, and got a WHOLE BUNCH of "congratulations!!" Lol So our appointment was at 11AM the next morning and I was informed I needed to drink 32 oz. of water before coming in for my appointment and I could not relieve my bladder.....Uhhhhh, seriously?!?!? You know I have to pee all the time, right?!?! lol That wasn't very fun to say the least! So we go back to the room for our ultrasound and the girl finds my sac...my very empty sac...she was just as shocked as I was and was not trained very well on how to answer questions to patients who do not see babies in their sac!! Needless to say I was thinking the worst, I was having way more pregnancy symptoms this time so I really didn't think anything was wrong but something about that ladie's reaction and my empty sac really made me worry. So I called my doctor the next day and asked if he had seen my results yet and if I should be worried or is this normal for being so early in the pregnancy....he calls back and says it looks like i'm going through a miscarriage. I was absolutely devistated!! All I could think of is Why Me?? Why does this keep happening?? What am I doing wrong? So Jimmy calls the doctor back and talks to him and has a more in-depth conversation with him and the Doc determines it might not be a miscarriage after all considering all I've been going through (this is when the morning sickness started...which is a good sign for developing pregnancies apparently, he says it decreases the chance of miscarriage) so why would he tell me one thing and tell Jimmy the COMPLETE OPPOSITE?! I could not understand it, I still couldn't believe that everything was okay, I was still really scared. So Jimmy calmed me down and we said we're not going to worry until we have something to worry about and we let God take it from there and had another ultrasound scheduled for the following week. Another day of having to drink 32 oz. of water and now my morning sickness is in full effect, so that water wasn't going down fast but it sure wanted to come up fast....so we go in to our appointment...

And there is our baby. Our sweet baby. I cried so hard when I heard that muffled heartbeat and the little fluttering of the hear beating on the screen. My baby is okay. I will never forget that moment. That is when I knew everything was going to be okay and I was going to be a Momma.

So from there on the nausea came all day every day, the bloating continued, the dreams started getting REALLY weird or scary, the stomach problems, the HUGE boobs developed, the mood swings started....everything they say CAN happen in a pregnancy, happened in the second month of mine, all around the same time. Talk about going through A LOT!! lol My poor husband! ....my poor body!!! lol So weeks have passed and some symptoms have come and gone and I've started getting new ones (such as growing pains...which basically means my belly is getting ready to grow as this baby continues to grow) And I am now eating better and starting to show:)

I had to get rehydrated 2 weeks ago after having a few near-fainting spells, turns out I was really dehydrated and had lost 7 lbs., since then I have not had much of a problem with morning sickness, I'm in the bathroom every 20 minutes though it seems (this kid is right on my bladder right now!! No fun!) and I'm getting my appetite back! While in the doctor's office hooked up to an IV I mentioned to the nurse that it was the first time Jimmy's mom had been to an appointment and they said "Well then we'll show you your grandbaby!" and after the IV drained they took me into another room and put the jelly on my belly...

 And look who we found!! A bigger baby!! A 10 week old baby Cotter! It was really exciting:)

So now I am 12 weeks along and pretty much out of the woods and starting to look forward to holding my sweet baby here shortly. I have an appointment this Thursday to listen to the baby's heartbeat, there's a trick that says if it beats under 140 bpm it is going to be a BOY and if it is higher that 150 bpm it will be a GIRL. I'm anxious to play this game LOL. I think it is a GIRL and my hubby really thought it was a BOY, until this week. So we will see. We really don't care either way as long as this baby is healthy but I have been having baby dreams about a little girl and all I can think of is girls with this pregnancy. My last pregnancy, as short as it was, from the very first second I knew it was a boy. This time, I really wanted my little boy back, but I could not feel anything towards this pregnancy, no dreams, no visions, just hopes. I did not think about having a girl, I really preferred not to have a daughter first. But one day I thought, okay this could be a girl so I better start getting used to the idea and better start training Jimmy to be able to handle a little girl (LOL!). And since that day, I've had a few baby dreams of little girls. Sure, they are weird dreams, but no matter how weird, there is always a little girl in there somehow. So I believe that is why I couldn't feel anything toward this pregnancy at first, all I could think of was a boy, and the whole time I was skipping over my little girl! Now let's all pray that she is not a little mini-me, I am so afraid of her having an attitude and fighting me over everything like I used to do when I was little!!!! Lol! But oh well, I don't care. I am one happy Momma right now:) and I have a great little family. Jimmy is going to be such a great daddy, he talks to my belly sometimes or rubs it just to say Hi Baby! I can't wait to see how much our lives will change after this child is born! I am truly blessed, I can't be any happier at this moment.

Okay well that is all the updates I have for now.

 Here is a recent picture of my baby bump....

Mom, maternity pics soon?? It's about time to start showing off!! Lol

Today's The Day!!

Okay, well yesterday was the day but I was not able to blog about it in time!

After what seems like DAAAAAYYYS of taking medications, charting temperatures, taking ovulation predictor tests and timing when to have sex.... I finally got a POSITIVE ovulation test!! Which means after getting a positive result, I should ovulate within 12-36 hours! Yaaahhooooooo!

Here are my first 2 tests... the one on the top was the first one I took on Monday night, as you can see the left line is not darker than the right one, which means I am not ovulating. The bottom test was taken Tuesday morning and as you can see the left line is a little darker than the right line. I accidentally threw out the instructions for these tests so to be sure that I know how to read these results right I went out and bought a new (expensive!) box of tests! Lol.

So I waited a few hours and took another test in the afternoon....

And Viola! The left line is DEFINATELY darker than the right line, which means I will be ovulating in the next 12-36 hours! Yay! But of course this is giving me anxiety, I only have this small window to make sure all our hard work pays off! Nothing like haaaaving to have sex at a certain time, that puts a lot of strain on a relationship! Luckily for us though, we are not making this our first and only priority. I mean, sure, we want this to work. We want our baby. But only worrying about that puts a strain on everything else going on in our life, so if it happens this month, then GREAT! But if not, there is always next month, and the next month, and the next. We will have our baby when the time is right. I have no doubt that God (with the help of Jimmy's grandparents) will pick out the perfect child for us! So I'm okay with waiting for that!;)

So like I said today yesterday is the day. I ovulated!! I could feel it and everything. It's almost weird to be so intuned to your body. I could feel the cramping of my ovary releasing an egg. I'm pretty sure I was about 5 lbs. heavier from the bloating (not my favorite symptom! lol) and I was having back pain. I looked all that up along with the fact that I had gotten a positive OV test the day before and TaDa!=Ovulation. 1 in 5 of women experience ovulation pain, I'm so glad that I was able to experience that. Well, not really, but I liked being able to personally know that my hard work is paying off. My medications are working. This is looking really good for us. So I had the cramps all day and by bedtime, it was all over. Our work is done. Now we just wait.....and wait.......and wait..... Errrrrg. It's going to be a loooong 2 weeks! But even after getting a positive pregnancy test, I still have to make sure this baby sticks this time! And he/she better!!!! So it may be a little while before I start announcing that we're pregnant, just to be safe, so don't take it personal.

According to this Chinese Gender Chart, if I conceive this month, we will have a bouncy baby BOY!

And if I conceive next month, we will have a precious baby GIRL!

I could go either way, I'm just so ready to have my own little me or little Jimmy! hehe.

Have you used this gender chart?? Did it work for you?? It's a 50/50 shot.

So, in the meantime, in between all this family planning, my youngest sisters are here for a week again! We had them last summer and have decided it's a nice little vacation and change of pace, so we flew them out here last Friday and took them camping at Shaver Lake for the weekend. It was my first time camping! We came home on Monday and have gone to the lake and BBQ'd and today we're going to set up the slip and slide. And tomorrow is our last day with them, so we are taking them to the water slides in Fresno! My dad is taking them for the rest of the weekend before flying them back to their mom in Vegas. It has been a very fun vacation, they're growing up so fast that I feel like I miss out on everything. The little one, Delanee, is 6....going on 18! Man, does she have an attitude! Lol. She gives us a run for our money. She has probably scared Jimmy out of wanting a daughter lol. Madison, she's 14, and so beautiful. It's nice to be able to relate to her now, she was always so much younger than me that I never paid her much attention, but now, I love having her around. And I'm glad that I'm a better role model now that she's older. Give her someone better to look up to. I'm going to be sad to see them go. But at the end of the week, Delanee is really missin' her mama and she has worn us out! So it's actually a little bittersweet. Lol, sad to say!!

They are getting their swimsuits on now, so I need to go get ready. I posted pictures on my facebook last night from our vacation! Go check them out!

I'll be back soon, with more updates! Thank you friends and family for your support and advice!
XoXoXo

Another day, another year older....

Well, today I turned 23. Nothing exciting about turning 23, especially when you have a nonchalant attitude towards the whole thing, I think this is the beginning of not anticipating my next birthday, not planning a big party or girl's night out for my birthday. Is that normal? Is it just part of growing up? Or having more important things to worry about in your every day life? I feel like this week is already over for me LOL, I'm so busy with getting my house cleaned (yes, it's like my weekly ritual now to deep clean my house, don't ask!), go to the DMV to apply for my new driver's license, pick up my sister's from the airport on Friday, get everything ready to go camping this weekend, and lots of little things in between.....so my birthday just seems to have dropped off my list of things to worry about right now. Booo!

As for my baby-makin' update, today I took my last fertility pill!!! Yahoooooo! That's a nice feeling. It all went really smoothly, minus the hot flashes and KiiiiiiLLLER mood swings!! I took the Provera for 4 days (I was supposed to take it for 10) and got my period, so that part was quick and easy. Then, on day 3 of my period I started the Clomid (the crazy maker pill!! lol) and finished it today. So on Thursday I will start using ovulation prediction tests and by next Wednesday there should be a little Cotter in the works! Seems easy enough, right?! It sure hasn't seemed like it! It shouldn't be this difficult! But I will appreciate my munchkin SO much more!:) Have you realized that my "ovulation time" is during my vacation, while my sisters are here?! Hahaha. Yeah, awkward! I don't know how to feel about this whole process though. Maybe you can help me decipher what I'm going through. Okay, so before I started taking these medications I was really excited to get pregnant again and kept trying to make it happen on my own. Now that I've gone through what I went through and have realized that this is not an easy process, I am beginning to realize that I am not as optimistic anymore. Not that I don't want this, because trust me, I DO! But I feel like if I get too excited and start stressing over making it happen, it won't happen. So I've noticed I have a nonchalant attitude. Which is good, because I'm not stressing, but at the same time I wonder if my attitude can also affect my body's attitude towards the situation and I won't get pregnant?! Am I just over analyzing this? I feel like I'm almost setting myself up to fail, but that's not how I feel at all. What's up with that?!

Anyways, the doctor makes it seem that this pill will work for me, because I obviously can get pregnant, but I do not have a period, therefor I do not ovulate regularly which is hard when trying to get pregnant, so he thinks this is the push I need. I hope he is right. Also, my best friend started her period on the same day as me, so she will most likely ovulate on the same day as me, which means if all goes well, we will have our babies on the same day!!! That is so crazy, huh?! lol So I hope you're still praying for us, so far so good! But we can use all the help and advice we can get! I appreciate all my regular readers out there that give advice and support. Thank you all so much. I'll update more in a week or two and let you know how things are going!!:)

XoXoXo

LiFe iS aBoUt To ChAnGe!

Well, like I said, life is about to change!!

We have decided to jump on the baby train. As much as we've changed our minds about this, we have decided this is what we want to do. I can't help but feel the emptiness since our miscarriage, I want so badly to be pregnant and have a baby. And he/she better stay in there this time...OR ELSE! So I had a follow up appointment yesterday morning to go over our options to help me get pregnant. As I may have said before, I do not have regular periods, which means it's hard to pinpoint ovulation days, meaning I'm relying on luck when it comes to getting pregnant! And I don't really like my odds. So my doctor wanted to get me started on medication (Provera) that jump starts a period, and after that I take a prescription(Clomid) which causes ovulation. Since my body sucks and can't do the work its self!! So basically, next to my bed I have a thermometer, a temp. chart, 3 medications and my prenatal vitamins. Sounds pretty hot, right?! Um, yeah, I don't think Jimmy thinks so! Sorry honey!

So I wanted to get pregnant before the summer is over to ensure that I won't be a fat balloon next summer--no bueno! But putting that kind of stress on myself and my already tricky situation was just setting me up for disappointment. So we're just gonna go with the flow. Well, hopefully.

So now I am back into my nursery (which is already like 80% finished! lol) and going through all the things I have bought--don't ask, I'm almost embarrassed lol you'd think I have 2 buns in the oven, one B and one G. I want to be prepared, and at cheap prices, I just can't help myself.

I don't want to get my hopes up to high, but I'm hoping this works the first time around! And I'm so excited! And nervous! And really really anxious! But I will have my best friend going through the same process at the same time (or really close). She's probably going to have it a little easier than me, because she doesn't have the same problems that I am having. But it will be fun to share this experience! How many of you can say you shared this wonderful experience with someone you're close with?!

I start my first dose on Friday, July 1st....so by the end of July I will know if it worked or not. And if not, we will try it again. My doctor wants to see me every 6 weeks until my eggo is officially preggo! So wish us luck, and for my friend! And I'll be updating more as soon as I get started on this new journey!!

That's all for now, hope everyone has a safe and fun 4th of July! My 23rd birthday is coming up on the 11th, it's the first time probably ever that I've kind of forgotten my own birthday. Lol does that come with getting older and having a more relaxed lifestyle??

 Any advice would be helpful from anyone who has been in this kind of situation! What worked for you? How many months before you got that PREGNANT in the result window of your test? And we're you in that 10% of women who have twins?? I know one woman who was! That's a frightening thought, but at the same time, it's a risk I have (and am kiiiinda willing) to take!!

Goodnight!

An update on this and that...

Well, I finally returned to work last month!

And after working 2 weeks, the pain started all over again! UGH. So I was pulled out of work again until I could be seen by a doctor, so I made 2 appointments, one with my doctor here and another with a specialist in Fresno. I was able to see both doctors yesterday and SURPRISE SURPRISE, they don't really know why I'm having these troubles! SO frustrating, if they don't know and they don't know, how am I supposed to feel about that??! So basically the specialist said there's nothing he can do to relieve the pain or any troubles I'm having, he said to go to the gym (heard that before!! was really hoping that there would be a different solution than that!) and strengthen my muscles and that should help. He also told me that my body is hyper flexible (sounds hot,right?! LOL) and sometimes it's beneficial to people and sometimes (in my case) it's not. SO because I am "double jointed" and "flexible" my joints are too loose and that's a problem I might have to deal with for the rest of my life.

 Seeing any kind of positive or useful information yet? Yeah,no there wasn't.

I'm still stumped and still in pain and still on the verge of losing my job because I cannot work and my leave at Save Mart only allows me to be out for a year without losing my job....I was already out for 8 months!

So after my doctor's appointment in Fresno, we came home to see my doctor here who has been seeing me since last August and performed my surgery and basically told me before I had him excuse me to return to work that he wasn't too sure it's a good idea but if it becomes to much to come back and he will pull me back out. So here I am again, now he's scratching his head, my MRI (pre-surgery) looked good, x-rays looked good, back MRI was clean.....why the pain??! Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that my legs will tingle and fall asleep while laying down or sitting in a chair, so we thought maybe I had a pinched nerve in my back causing that,...um no. And I also have had that symptoms of restless leg syndrome.

Still haven't seen that silver lining, huh?

Anyways, back to my doctor's opinion, so he's not sure why I'm having these problems and pain. So he wants to refer me to another doctor for a second opinion, as a matter of fact he's sending me to 2 new doctors. One who is a sports medicine doctor and the other specializes in arthritis and osteoporosis. Needless to say my in-laws knew those doctors but they couldn't believe I would be seeing a doctor with that specialty. Yeah, I'm not sure either but maybe he'll have the answers I've been looking for.Because I know there has to be better answers out there than "go to the gym!" And I am going to be getting a post-op MRI of my knee to see what it looks like in there and see if there's something floating around causing the trouble and causing my knee cap to catch and lock up. Yeah, sounds wonderful doesn't it? Not so much. ):

So now I am out of work until July and my insurance was cancelled as of today so I have to wait for COBRA to pick me back up, spending $400 a month for insurance is not the business. I liked it when it was free! Seeing all these doctors, another MRI (not my favorite thing!), and just stressing and worrying about what is going to happen. I'm only 22, why am I going through this?!

But ultimately, there is a silver lining.

I am married to the most wonderful man, have 4 of the craziest and most annoying dogs ever- but i love them!!, have the greatest friends and family, starting my own business and already have fans!!, have a beautiful home, and I may be a hot mess-- but I'm still alive! And I am so thankful.

So for now we have obviously but a new baby on the back burner because my body could not handle the extra weight, It's a smart decision, but most days I don't find it fair! But for now, it's okay.

Oh, and about my business! Let me tell you a little bit about my new project. I will be redesigning baby and children's clothes! I do not make everything from scratch but I make it new and one of a kind! And will be making accessories such as headbands and beanies and items such as wipes case covers and sippy cup holders. Lots of different stuff. I plan to get started within the next 2 weeks, still waiting for some supplies to come in. I converted our front living room (which we never use) into my own craft room, it has everything I could need in here, and lots of space. And thanks to my hubby for taking me shopping the past few days to buy supplies! He thinks that makes him co-owner! hahaha! So this is where you find me now. It's my escape. It's "my" place. I love it and I cannot wait to get started with my designs!

Well, that's about enough from me. Until next time.......

On the cruise ship for our honeymoon before we headed to ENSENADA!!